"Email: Boon or Bane?"

Yesterday, I received a particularly nasty email from a person that I have known casually for just over a year. She will, of course, remain nameless and profession-less, so as not to identify her.

Her issue was regarding a $19.95 monthly charge that she had incurred and forgotten to cancel. This small monthly amount was not payable to me, incidentally -- but I had been instrumental in her becoming involved with that particular company -- and as such, she expected that I should have been responsible for canceling (or advising her to cancel) her monthly charge.

To be fair to this individual, she had previously had a legitimate complaint with this company, during which time, I got personally involved in trying to help her sort it out -- and subsequently, I stopped recommending that particular company and their product.

However, the nastiness of yesterday's email simply astounded me and as I was dealing with many other issues of significant importance (like the critical state of health of a close family member), I responded in kind. And we all know, that two wrongs don't make a right. Mea culpa, for sure.

As these things usually escalate, I received a second email from this passive-aggressive person, who professed to be shocked at the "outrageous" things I said about her and her behavior (basically that she should take responsibility for herself and stop looking for others to blame.) In her words, I couldn't possibly say something like that, as I didn't know anything about her. We live and work in a very small suburb, where everybody knows everybody and it doesn't take long to see a pattern emerge.

On previous occasions, I had personally witnessed her having a meltdown at a country club, after a less-than-stellar fashion show that she felt she had been ripped off for. As well, the few coffee and lunch meetings that we had, always revolved around her and how she felt so put upon by her partner's family. Rarely, did she ask about me and my family -- even when we ran into each other a few months ago, in a hospital. It was still all about her and her partner -- she never even enquired why I was there at the hospital. Curiously, when I look back on that accidental run-in, she related this long, drawn out story about the terrible altercation she had just had with a parking lot attendant -- while all I wanted to do was get to my husband, who was in surgery at the time -- something she never has been aware of.

All that aside, we live within spitting distance from each other and there is always the telephone -- which in my estimation is always a safer method of dealing with something sensitive -- rather than risking the accusations and misinterpretations that can so easily happen by email.

Here then, is a simple checklist to ensure that you don't get down in the mire and muck, that I allowed myself to, yesterday.

1. Be aware of size, boldness and type of font you are using. For example, the gal in my previous example, uses a lovely personalized email template that matches her business cards.
However, the font she uses in writing her emails is a BIG, in-your-face 13.5, boldfaced and italicized print. That might be nice for those of us who need reading glasses and okay, if the message is positive. But you start putting negatives and complaints in that typeface, and you can be pretty certain the person on the receiving end is going to feel like they're being yelled at. Generally you want to stick to no more than an 11pt. font in your emails.

2. Sit on a questionable email for awhile, before you hit that send button. Yes, I could personally have done a better job with that one! As the sender, you never know what type of mindset or stressful situation the receiver is experiencing, when he or she reads your email. So, to follow my own advice, I should have asked someone I trusted to read it over and/or "slept on it" overnight, to see if I still wanted to send it in the morning. The best solution, when an issue is sensitive, is to take the time and meet or talk on the phone.

3. Be aware that you don't have the luxury of body-language or voice intonation in an email. Everything you say and do is responded to in some way. Everything counts, including body language. In fact, 55 percent of every message is communicated through body language, 38 percent through tone of voice and only 7 percent through words. Obviously, when your message is via email, 100 percent of what someone "hears" is in your typewritten words.

4. Realize that whichever way someone feels about what you've written in your email, is their truth. Basically, these kinds of issues will always be one of "he said, she said" and more blame and accusations. Again, the most productive way of dealing with sensitive issues -- where there is a lot of room for misunderstanding -- is to talk it out in person.

In summary, there is no winner when email communications get out of hand. Maybe I have a thinner skin than most, but this unfortunate experience resulted in a sleepless night and is still bothering me, as I write this.

So, I hope you learn from my experience and what I could have done better, if this same thing should happen to you. Why not take a minute right now, to look at the format, type of font, and what "image" might be coming across to people who are reading your emails? Try sending an email to yourself or your spouse, so you can actually see it on their screen, through different eyes than your own.

As with most things in life, technology can be a boon or a bane and email is no exception. Even a car can be used positively, to drive someone to church -- or negatively, to be the get-away vehicle for an armed bank robber.

©2009 Karen Dodd International

Karen R. Dodd publishes the weekly e-zine 'In Focus: Success & Marketing Highlights' for solo-preneurs. If you are looking to jump-start your marketing, get true time leverage and have more fun in your business -- get your FREE tips now at www.KarenDodd.com