When I was a child I spent many years sailing in and around the area known as the Thousand Islands, in Ontario, Canada. My parents owned a small sailboat and most of my weekends and summers were spent cruising the waters of the Great Lakes.
Whenever we stopped overnight, my dad usually preferred to moor offshore, rather than tying up at the dock. He said it was because it was more peaceful but I think that he was just being "thrifty" and didn't want to pay the docking fees!
Anyway, I remember one beautiful sunny afternoon that we moored just off the beach, and my mother and I were watching a golden retriever and a young boy of about twelve or thirteen, playing in the water. Actually -- the dog was playing -- the boy was trying to get into deeper water to swim. However, every time he would start to get out of his depth, the retriever would grab onto the boy's swimming trunks and pull him back. It was hysterical to watch; we sat there for I'm sure an hour, watching this tug of wills take place -- between dog and boy.
The boy was trying to get out of his depth to experience the adventure of swimming, and the dog -- well, the dog was doing what retrievers do -- retrieve. Clearly, the young boy had been his charge for many years and it was the dog's job to protect him from danger.
More recently, I couldn't help but think how that same phenomenon takes place, when we attempt to get out of our comfort zones in business or our personal lives. Often, as we start to grow and develop, we get sabotaged, either by ourselves or by others, who seek to hold us back.
Fear is natural, both in ourselves and in the people who know and love us. Sometimes, well-meaning spouses, parents or friends -- project their fears and insecurities onto us. Occasionally, envy or jealousy may be their motivators.
I believe that simply telling someone "feel the fear and just break through it," is not terribly effective. But there are a few ways that you can break free of limiting beliefs and fears, that if implemented faithfully, can eventually put a stop to self-sabotage.
1. Moving forward fearlessly is like developing muscles.
I remember when I first started Pilates; I couldn't even do a simple roll-up! My core was so weak and I was afraid that I would never get any better. But in a relatively quick period of time (and with the help of a mentor/trainer) I was soon able to laugh at the fact that I hadn't been able to do it and put that weakness and fear behind me, forever.
Do this: Use a pencil (not a pen) and make a list of all the negative feelings you have about your abilities or fears. For example, I'm afraid to move forward and do things I'd like to do in my life. Or, I'm not not good enough or qualified to do this. Then, take a red pen and replace each negative statement with a positive, affirming one. For example, I gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience I take on. Or, I step into my greatness with ease and grace.
Now, go back and erase each negative statement, so that you're left only with the positive, empowering statements in red ink. Read and focus on those statements, and consider the old statements about yourself, erased.
2. Replace the chatter that is running in your head.
Something that interrupts your pattern and serves to replace one habit with another, is called an "anchor." An anchor is always strengthened by adding something physical to it. Here's a great idea from author and speaker, Lisa Nichols, from her book No Matter What!
Do this: Imagine that you have a CD player in your head -- one that plays negative music on the left and positive music on the right. Next time that you find yourself listening to your own negative self-talk, literally push an imaginary button on the left side of your forehead (to stop it) and then push the right side of your forehead -- to start playing your new, more empowering thought. Sounds crazy, I know....but it works! As with any new habit or exercise, do this consistently for at least 21 days and see if you don't notice a difference.
3. Avoid or cut back on time spent with negative people who are holding you back.
I know this can sound harsh, but you need to get away from people with stinkin' thinkin'! This can be particularly difficult if that negative or overly protective person is a spouse or family member. But hey -- if they really had it all together, their lives would be shining examples of success, right? My personal motto is never to follow anyone who hasn't achieved what I want for my life. That doesn't mean I don't care about or love them -- or that I'm judging them negatively -- that's just not someone I want to model myself after.
Do this: If you're unable to avoid this person altogether, put on your "armor" before you see or talk to them. As you're about to step through that door, imagine yourself putting on your invisible shield. You might even want to physically pantomime enveloping yourself from head to toe (if you won't look like too much of an idiot to passers by)! Then when they come at you with their negative attitude, feel yourself all snug and cozy in your impenetrable armor, with those negative barbs just bouncing off you. To avoid getting into an argument or becoming defensive, you might even try saying something like, "You're right, I probably won't be successful at...."
That response almost always diffuses the situation, as they have nowhere to go from there.
These are only a few techniques that you can use to replace limiting self-talk that may be affecting your ability to step into your greatness. I am very visual, so whenever I realize that I'm holding myself back, I visualize that retriever holding onto my pants with his teeth. I know he loves me and he's only doing what he's been conditioned to do -- but I also know that I am growing up and am able to take care of myself.
You might not be old enough to remember the little girl in the Coppertone ad (lucky you!) So here it is for you. Notice she's looking back at the dog (what is it with dogs and pants!?) and is thinking to herself...I trust my instincts to know what's best for me. I am the most amazing, inspiring person whose job it is to inspire others with my courage. I am successful at whatever I do.
That's my take on it -- and I'm sticking that that (positive, empowering) story!
©2009 Karen Dodd International
Working with everyone from Moms to Millionaires, Karen Dodd will help you CONNECT with your unique gifts and talents, IGNITE your passion, and take INSPIRED ACTION toward Focusing On Your Dreams(TM). To learn how you can start or move your business to a level that you've only dreamed of, register now for Karen's free articles at: www.Karendodd.com.
Posts
